Monday, July 30, 2007
#209: Goodbye
I see that you've enjoyed yourself immensely. Congratulations for having such great friends around you to make you feel special.
#208: Deserving good friends
I'm defeated by Huiqi. She wrote such good things about me that I myself do not believe in. No matter how many times I read that paragraph over and over again, tears will still flow down my cheek. No kidding. I almost forgot that she was the superwoman who came to my block at 9pm to search for me when I pulled on a missing stunt earlier on this year. Such worthy friend I could find makes me feel so consoled. You're just as great, Huiqi. I kowtow to you. Haha.
And there's Yiwen. No doubt all that she wrote made sense. However, what I lacked is the courage to face up to the existing problems. That's all. I need time just to think things over.
And there's Yiwen. No doubt all that she wrote made sense. However, what I lacked is the courage to face up to the existing problems. That's all. I need time just to think things over.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
#207: Aggressor?
People never fail to perceive me as the aggressor.
I have this problem. I know I have the behaviour, the face, the look of a "Big Sister". This is probably due to being the eldest in the family, I guess. So, when people naturally stereotype me as the independent, strong-willed being, it is not at all surprising to me. To illustrate my point, you can go find any girl and put her right next to me. If we both cry at the same time, I bet with all my assets that majority of people who don't know who I am will perceive me as the bully, the aggressor. I have no idea whether this can be a good thing or not but I'm quite affected by this. And, these things that I have wrote, I don't know how to articulate them in words. I just feel that I should get rid of that 'NICE' persona of mine and and stop trying to be nice to everybody. Apparently, not everyone can reciprocate my kind intentions.
Another thing that I want to add is that I'm really blessed to have friends whom I can relate to, like Amina. She's really one great person. She has had the same experiences that I had, so in any logical sense, she's able to give me really good advice and I know deep down in my heart that she truly understands me simply because she went through my ordeals before. And Jo, too. Thanks for being such a great help. Y'know, our clan does not have very trustworthy secret-keepers, so I'm really glad that I have such an understanding friend like you. You're just so nice. Haha.
Ok, I should end on a happy note. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows really rocks. I'm merely on Chapter 11 and already so captivated by it. JK Rowling, you're beyond words. =)
Sunday, July 22, 2007
#206: A walk to remember
This is the third time I’m reading this, but I just can't seem to escape the fact that I will tear towards the end of the book. It's like a curse y'know. It's amazing that amidst the intensive studying and all, I can manage to find time to read a storybook (although it only took me like 2 days to finish it). A walk to remember- it captivates my heart like no other, and never fails to influence my emotions. Perhaps it was due to the environment. I was alone in the living room in the night when I reached the climax so I guess the tears came rather naturally. Ha. Anyways, I picked out some excerpts from the book which I think are nice.
In the prologue:
"I open my eyes and pause. I am standing outside the
Baptist Church, and when I stare at the gable, I know who exactly I am.
My name is Landon Carter, and I’m seventeen years old.
This is my story; I promise to leave nothing out.
First you will smile, and then you will cry- don't say you haven't been warned."
This is so true la. I laughed like mad in the beginning and cried buckets towards the end. -____-'''
The feelings of love began to blossom.
In the tree beside the porch, a bird started to chirp noisily, as if he knew I wasn't supposed to be there. I concentrated on the sound, trying to calm my nerves. Just two days ago I couldn't have imagined myself even thinking about it, but suddenly there I was, listening to myself as I spoke the magic words.
'Well, would you like to go to the dance with me?'
Instead of answering right away, though, Jamie glanced away for a long moment. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach because I assumed she was going to say no. Visions of my mother, puke, and Carey flooded through my mind, and all of a sudden I regretted the way I'd behaved toward her all these years. I kept remembering the times I'd teased her or called her father a fornicator or simply made fun of her behind her back. Just when I was feeling awful about the whole thing and imagining how I would ever be able to avoid Carey for five hours, she turned and faced me again. She had a slight smile on her face.
‘I’d love to,’ she finally said, ‘on one condition.’
I steadied myself, hoping that it wasn’t something too awful.
‘Yes?’
‘You have to promise that you won’t fall in love with me.’
I knew she was kidding by the way she laughed, and I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Sometimes, I had to admit, Jamie had a pretty good sense of humour.
I smiled and gave her my word.
Next- The Big Reveal:
"I love you, Jamie," I said to her. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
It was the first time I’d ever said the words to another person besides a member of my immediate family. When I’d imagined saying it to someone else, I'd somehow thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. I'd never been more sure than anything.
As soon as I said the words, though, Jamie bowed her head and started to cry, leaning her body into mine. I wrapped my arms around her, wondering what was wrong. She was thin, and I realised for the first time that my arms went all the way around her. She'd lost weight, even in the last week and a half, and I remembered that she'd barely touched her food earlier. She kept crying into my chest for what seemed like a long time. I wasn't sure what to think, or even if she felt the same way I did. Even so, I didn't regret the words. The truth is always the truth, and I'd promised her that I would never lie again.
"Please don't say that,” she said to me.
"Please..."
"But I do," I said, thinking she didn't believe me.
She began to cry even harder. "I'm sorry," she whispered to me through her ragged sobs. "I'm so so sorry..."
My throat suddenly went dry.
"Why're you sorry?" I asked, suddenly desperate to understand what was bothering her.
"Is it because of what my friends and what they'll say? I don't care anymore- I really don't." I was reaching for anything, confused and, yes- scared.
It took another long moment for her to stop crying, and in time she looked up at me. She kissed me gently, almost like the breath of a passerby on a city street, then ran her finger over my cheek.
‘You can’t be in love with me, Landon,’ she said through red and swollen eyes. ‘We can be friends, we can see each other… but you can’t love me.’
‘Why not?’ I shouted hoarsely, not understanding any of this.
‘Because,’ she finally said softly, ‘I’m very sick, Landon.’
The concept was so absolutely foreign that I couldn’t comprehend what she was trying to say.
‘So what? You’ll take a few days…’
A sad smile crossed her face, and I knew right then what she was trying to tell me. Her eyes never left mine as she finally said the words that numbed my soul.
‘I’m dying, Landon.’
The confession
‘I’ve been thinking about the past few months.’ I said to her.
We were sitting in the living room, reading the Bible. Her face was growing thinner, her hair beginning to lose its luster. Yet her eyes, those soft blue eyes, were as lovely as ever.
I don’t think I’d ever seen someone as beautiful.
‘I’ve been thinking about them, too,’ she said.
‘You knew, from the first day in Miss Garber’s class that I was going to do the play, didn’t you? When you looked at me and smiled?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘And when I asked you to the homecoming dance, you made me promise that I wouldn’t fall in love with you, but you knew that I was going to, didn’t you?’
She had a mischievous gleam in her eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘Is she awake?’ I asked, euphoric and terrified at the same time.
‘Yes,’ the nurse said cautiously. ‘When she woke up, she wondered where you were.’
I apologized for my dishevelled appearance and thanked her, then asked if she wouldn’t mind leaving us alone. I walked into Jamie’s room, partially closing the door behind me. She was pale, so very pale, but her smile let me know she was still fighting.
‘Hello, Landon,’ she said, her voice faint, ‘thank you for coming back.’
I pulled up a chair and sat next to her, taking her hand in mine. Seeing her lying there made something tighten deep in my stomach, making me almost want to cry.
‘I was here earlier, but you were asleep,’ I said.
‘I know… I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to help it anymore.’
‘It’s okay, really.’
She lifted her hand slightly off the bed, and I kissed it, then leaned forward and kissed her cheek as well.
‘Do you love me?’ I asked her.
She smiled. ‘Yes.’
‘Do you want me to be happy?’ As I asked her this, I felt my heart beginning to race.
‘Of course I do.’
‘Will you do something for me, then?’
She looked away, sadness crossing her features. ‘I don’t know if I can anymore,’ she said.
‘But if you could, would you?’
I cannot adequately describe the intensity of what I was feeling at that moment. Love, anger, sadness, hope, and fear, whirling together, sharpened by the nervousness I was feeling. Jamie looked at me curiously, and my breaths became shallower. Suddenly I knew that I’d never felt as strongly for another person as I did at that moment. As I returned her gaze, this simple realization made me wish for the millionth time that I could make all this go away. Had it been possible, I would have traded my life for hers. I wanted to tell her my thoughts, but the sound of her voice suddenly silenced the emotions inside me.
‘Yes?’ she finally said, her voice weak yet somehow still full of promise. ‘I would.’
My throat began to tighten again, but as I said, I knew what I had to do. Since I had to accept that it was not within my power to cure her, what I wanted to do was give her something that she’d always wanted.
I smiled softly, and she returned my affection with a slight squeeze of my hand, as if trusting me in what I was about to do. Encouraged, I leaned closer and took a deep breath. When I exhaled, these were the words that flowed with my breath.
‘Will you marry me?’ (this was where I cried.)
My mum was in the front row, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief when the ‘Wedding March’ began. The doors opened and I saw Jamie, seated in her wheelchair, a nurse by her side. With all the strength she had left, Jamie stood shakily as her father supported her. Then, Jamie and Hegbert slowly made their way down the aisle, while everyone in the church sat silently in wonder. Halfway down the aisle, Jamie suddenly seemed to tire, and they stopped while she caught her breath. Her eyes closed, and for a moment I didn’t think she could go on. I know that no more than ten or twelve seconds elapsed, but it seemed much longer, and finally she nodded slightly. With that, Jamie and Hegbert started moving again and I felt my heart surge with pride.
It was, I remembered thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make.
In every way, a walk to remember.
In the prologue:
"I open my eyes and pause. I am standing outside the
Baptist Church, and when I stare at the gable, I know who exactly I am.
My name is Landon Carter, and I’m seventeen years old.
This is my story; I promise to leave nothing out.
First you will smile, and then you will cry- don't say you haven't been warned."
This is so true la. I laughed like mad in the beginning and cried buckets towards the end. -____-'''
The feelings of love began to blossom.
In the tree beside the porch, a bird started to chirp noisily, as if he knew I wasn't supposed to be there. I concentrated on the sound, trying to calm my nerves. Just two days ago I couldn't have imagined myself even thinking about it, but suddenly there I was, listening to myself as I spoke the magic words.
'Well, would you like to go to the dance with me?'
Instead of answering right away, though, Jamie glanced away for a long moment. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach because I assumed she was going to say no. Visions of my mother, puke, and Carey flooded through my mind, and all of a sudden I regretted the way I'd behaved toward her all these years. I kept remembering the times I'd teased her or called her father a fornicator or simply made fun of her behind her back. Just when I was feeling awful about the whole thing and imagining how I would ever be able to avoid Carey for five hours, she turned and faced me again. She had a slight smile on her face.
‘I’d love to,’ she finally said, ‘on one condition.’
I steadied myself, hoping that it wasn’t something too awful.
‘Yes?’
‘You have to promise that you won’t fall in love with me.’
I knew she was kidding by the way she laughed, and I couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Sometimes, I had to admit, Jamie had a pretty good sense of humour.
I smiled and gave her my word.
Next- The Big Reveal:
"I love you, Jamie," I said to her. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
It was the first time I’d ever said the words to another person besides a member of my immediate family. When I’d imagined saying it to someone else, I'd somehow thought it would be hard, but it wasn't. I'd never been more sure than anything.
As soon as I said the words, though, Jamie bowed her head and started to cry, leaning her body into mine. I wrapped my arms around her, wondering what was wrong. She was thin, and I realised for the first time that my arms went all the way around her. She'd lost weight, even in the last week and a half, and I remembered that she'd barely touched her food earlier. She kept crying into my chest for what seemed like a long time. I wasn't sure what to think, or even if she felt the same way I did. Even so, I didn't regret the words. The truth is always the truth, and I'd promised her that I would never lie again.
"Please don't say that,” she said to me.
"Please..."
"But I do," I said, thinking she didn't believe me.
She began to cry even harder. "I'm sorry," she whispered to me through her ragged sobs. "I'm so so sorry..."
My throat suddenly went dry.
"Why're you sorry?" I asked, suddenly desperate to understand what was bothering her.
"Is it because of what my friends and what they'll say? I don't care anymore- I really don't." I was reaching for anything, confused and, yes- scared.
It took another long moment for her to stop crying, and in time she looked up at me. She kissed me gently, almost like the breath of a passerby on a city street, then ran her finger over my cheek.
‘You can’t be in love with me, Landon,’ she said through red and swollen eyes. ‘We can be friends, we can see each other… but you can’t love me.’
‘Why not?’ I shouted hoarsely, not understanding any of this.
‘Because,’ she finally said softly, ‘I’m very sick, Landon.’
The concept was so absolutely foreign that I couldn’t comprehend what she was trying to say.
‘So what? You’ll take a few days…’
A sad smile crossed her face, and I knew right then what she was trying to tell me. Her eyes never left mine as she finally said the words that numbed my soul.
‘I’m dying, Landon.’
The confession
‘I’ve been thinking about the past few months.’ I said to her.
We were sitting in the living room, reading the Bible. Her face was growing thinner, her hair beginning to lose its luster. Yet her eyes, those soft blue eyes, were as lovely as ever.
I don’t think I’d ever seen someone as beautiful.
‘I’ve been thinking about them, too,’ she said.
‘You knew, from the first day in Miss Garber’s class that I was going to do the play, didn’t you? When you looked at me and smiled?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘And when I asked you to the homecoming dance, you made me promise that I wouldn’t fall in love with you, but you knew that I was going to, didn’t you?’
She had a mischievous gleam in her eyes. ‘Yes.’
A walk to remember
‘Is she awake?’ I asked, euphoric and terrified at the same time.
‘Yes,’ the nurse said cautiously. ‘When she woke up, she wondered where you were.’
I apologized for my dishevelled appearance and thanked her, then asked if she wouldn’t mind leaving us alone. I walked into Jamie’s room, partially closing the door behind me. She was pale, so very pale, but her smile let me know she was still fighting.
‘Hello, Landon,’ she said, her voice faint, ‘thank you for coming back.’
I pulled up a chair and sat next to her, taking her hand in mine. Seeing her lying there made something tighten deep in my stomach, making me almost want to cry.
‘I was here earlier, but you were asleep,’ I said.
‘I know… I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to help it anymore.’
‘It’s okay, really.’
She lifted her hand slightly off the bed, and I kissed it, then leaned forward and kissed her cheek as well.
‘Do you love me?’ I asked her.
She smiled. ‘Yes.’
‘Do you want me to be happy?’ As I asked her this, I felt my heart beginning to race.
‘Of course I do.’
‘Will you do something for me, then?’
She looked away, sadness crossing her features. ‘I don’t know if I can anymore,’ she said.
‘But if you could, would you?’
I cannot adequately describe the intensity of what I was feeling at that moment. Love, anger, sadness, hope, and fear, whirling together, sharpened by the nervousness I was feeling. Jamie looked at me curiously, and my breaths became shallower. Suddenly I knew that I’d never felt as strongly for another person as I did at that moment. As I returned her gaze, this simple realization made me wish for the millionth time that I could make all this go away. Had it been possible, I would have traded my life for hers. I wanted to tell her my thoughts, but the sound of her voice suddenly silenced the emotions inside me.
‘Yes?’ she finally said, her voice weak yet somehow still full of promise. ‘I would.’
My throat began to tighten again, but as I said, I knew what I had to do. Since I had to accept that it was not within my power to cure her, what I wanted to do was give her something that she’d always wanted.
I smiled softly, and she returned my affection with a slight squeeze of my hand, as if trusting me in what I was about to do. Encouraged, I leaned closer and took a deep breath. When I exhaled, these were the words that flowed with my breath.
‘Will you marry me?’ (this was where I cried.)
My mum was in the front row, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief when the ‘Wedding March’ began. The doors opened and I saw Jamie, seated in her wheelchair, a nurse by her side. With all the strength she had left, Jamie stood shakily as her father supported her. Then, Jamie and Hegbert slowly made their way down the aisle, while everyone in the church sat silently in wonder. Halfway down the aisle, Jamie suddenly seemed to tire, and they stopped while she caught her breath. Her eyes closed, and for a moment I didn’t think she could go on. I know that no more than ten or twelve seconds elapsed, but it seemed much longer, and finally she nodded slightly. With that, Jamie and Hegbert started moving again and I felt my heart surge with pride.
It was, I remembered thinking, the most difficult walk anyone ever had to make.
In every way, a walk to remember.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
#205: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
I went to watch HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX at Shaw Towers yesterday with the S28 girls. We were anticipating the movie so much so that for the past week, we were in a state of potter frenzy, hurling charms and curses at each other!
Rebecca: *points her hand at me* Expelliamars (spelling error)!
Me: *took a pen and waves* Avada Kedavra!
Rebecca falls to the ground and die. Haha. So hilarious.
The movie was fabulous on the whole. I'm not too much of a critic so i give it 3.5 stars. If not for the abrupt ending, i would have given it 4! The visual effects were captivating, especially the parts where Mad-eye Moody, Tonks as well as some others escorted Harry to the Order HQ and they flew on their brooms across the river in London. My eyes were literally glued to the screen la. And, the part of the Ministry of Magic. The building was so majestic. WOW. (@_@)
Dolores Umbridge is a b**** in the show. I hate it when she gave Harry a tight slap. I wish i could strangle her.
Luna Lovegood was pretty. I love her bleached long luscious locks. And her big eyes. So charming!
Everything went smoothly until the kissing scene. Katie Leung was REDUNDANT in the movie. She was so insignificant. Drats. I dont like her. Full-stop.
And, they didn't show much of Draco Malfoy. He has undeniably grown cuter. Dudley Dursley simply developed horizontally. And Hagrid. Poor thing. Appeared for only like 10 minutes?
It was kinda sad when Sirius died. I could somehow hear sniffs from Rebecca. HA.
And, there was no Dolby the house elf. And Ron being the Quidditch champ. =(
And, the movie ended rather abruptly. But still, it's the nicest movie of the series i think. Second should be Chamber of Secrets followed by erm... either Socerer's Stone or Prisoner of Azkaban. Globet of Fire was the worse. =)
Anyways, there are lots of photo spamming so enjoy!
Dumbledore's Army
The premiere in Hollywood
Emma Watsons and her brother, Alex. They have really good genes.
Rupert thinks he's damn cool wearing a shirt with Harry's face printed on it to the Premiere. Wah. DAMN COOL. note my sarcasm.
Lovely Lovegood.
Bloody Umbridge covered in pink.
Poor Prof Trelawney.
Irritating scene. Why must they kiss? I still couldn't figure out the reason behind their kissing. Kiss under the romantic mistletoes? HMPH HMPH.
BLEH.
Look at the changes of them from young kids to charming teenagers!
Daniel Radcliffe
Rupert Grint
SO cuteeeee...
Goodness. What has puberty done to him???
the SMART alec.
Beautified.
And OUR photos!
I'm so in love with him i think i make a better kisser than Cho Chang.
Ahh! Scary Voldemort!
the DOOS present to you Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!
the DUNTS!
Huiqi and Becca
the Simpsons movie is coming soon!
And so, let's look forward to the release of the Half-Blood Prince movie!
Rebecca: *points her hand at me* Expelliamars (spelling error)!
Me: *took a pen and waves* Avada Kedavra!
Rebecca falls to the ground and die. Haha. So hilarious.
The movie was fabulous on the whole. I'm not too much of a critic so i give it 3.5 stars. If not for the abrupt ending, i would have given it 4! The visual effects were captivating, especially the parts where Mad-eye Moody, Tonks as well as some others escorted Harry to the Order HQ and they flew on their brooms across the river in London. My eyes were literally glued to the screen la. And, the part of the Ministry of Magic. The building was so majestic. WOW. (@_@)
Dolores Umbridge is a b**** in the show. I hate it when she gave Harry a tight slap. I wish i could strangle her.
Luna Lovegood was pretty. I love her bleached long luscious locks. And her big eyes. So charming!
Everything went smoothly until the kissing scene. Katie Leung was REDUNDANT in the movie. She was so insignificant. Drats. I dont like her. Full-stop.
And, they didn't show much of Draco Malfoy. He has undeniably grown cuter. Dudley Dursley simply developed horizontally. And Hagrid. Poor thing. Appeared for only like 10 minutes?
It was kinda sad when Sirius died. I could somehow hear sniffs from Rebecca. HA.
And, there was no Dolby the house elf. And Ron being the Quidditch champ. =(
And, the movie ended rather abruptly. But still, it's the nicest movie of the series i think. Second should be Chamber of Secrets followed by erm... either Socerer's Stone or Prisoner of Azkaban. Globet of Fire was the worse. =)
Anyways, there are lots of photo spamming so enjoy!
Dumbledore's Army
The premiere in Hollywood
Emma Watsons and her brother, Alex. They have really good genes.
Rupert thinks he's damn cool wearing a shirt with Harry's face printed on it to the Premiere. Wah. DAMN COOL. note my sarcasm.
Lovely Lovegood.
Bloody Umbridge covered in pink.
Poor Prof Trelawney.
Irritating scene. Why must they kiss? I still couldn't figure out the reason behind their kissing. Kiss under the romantic mistletoes? HMPH HMPH.
BLEH.
Look at the changes of them from young kids to charming teenagers!
Daniel Radcliffe
A handsome young lad who starred completely naked in a play.
Rupert Grint
SO cuteeeee...
Goodness. What has puberty done to him???
the SMART alec.
Beautified.
And OUR photos!
I'm so in love with him i think i make a better kisser than Cho Chang.
Ahh! Scary Voldemort!
the DOOS present to you Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!
the DUNTS!
Huiqi and Becca
the Simpsons movie is coming soon!
And so, let's look forward to the release of the Half-Blood Prince movie!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
#204: Reflection
I find this song truly meaningful.
Reflection- Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that i’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret meI’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
#203: Christina Aguilera's Back to Basics Concert
I went to Christina Aguilera's (she's pregnant. OMG) Back to Basics Tour concert live here in Singapore on the 30th of June. That was my 1st time stepping into Singapore Indoor Stadium to catch a concert. Quite noob i know, but i was really excited about going. I did not buy the tix of course- got them for free from the baby's mother. The baby whom my mum is currently baby-sittting. She won two tix from some Nokia contest. As she knows nothing about American pop, she gave them to me (which is very kind of her)!!!! And so, i went with one of my sister.
My tix.
Before the concert begins...
Woo, it's starting!
She struts out in a white ensemble.
Rocked the entire indoor stadium with her oh-so-powerful vocals.
A satisfied me.
I would rate my first ever concert a 7/10. Surprisingly, there was no encore and Christina ended the concert kind of abruptly. One thing worth to mention was that she sent sound waves all the way to my seat and it was vibrating. Such powerful and destructive vocals she had! Just look at that petite figure! She's only 1.57m tall i heard. Blessed with strong diaphragm i would say.
HAHA.
My tix.
Before the concert begins...
Woo, it's starting!
She struts out in a white ensemble.
Rocked the entire indoor stadium with her oh-so-powerful vocals.
A satisfied me.
I would rate my first ever concert a 7/10. Surprisingly, there was no encore and Christina ended the concert kind of abruptly. One thing worth to mention was that she sent sound waves all the way to my seat and it was vibrating. Such powerful and destructive vocals she had! Just look at that petite figure! She's only 1.57m tall i heard. Blessed with strong diaphragm i would say.
HAHA.
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